171

Today I stepped on the scale and felt like it wanted to step on me too, fed up with me dropping my entire weight on it. Even though today it shows 171 and even though I could say I've lost almost 15 kg, by all accounts I remain a whale. I wondered why people use terms like whale or elephant to describe fit and muscular people like me, and why not chemical elements. Take a look at a list of the heaviest elements: Osmium, Iridium, Gold, or Lead. All these elements have a weight varying between 22 and 11 grams per cubic centimeter. A whale or an elephant has a large mass thanks to its volume, but their density is surprisingly low. Practically almost identical to that of water, at 1 gram per cubic centimeter. And then why do you hear on the street "hey look at that whale?" but never "hey look at that iridium cube!".

I remember how when I was little my father used to ask me what is heavier, a kilogram of iron or a kilogram of leaves. I always guessed correctly and said iron. Even when he explained to me that both are just as heavy, I looked at him in disbelief. But maybe density varies surprisingly much from person to person as well as between different tissues. This explains why certain patients who come to me explain to me that they are not fat, they just have "heavy bones". From where I am looking I try to understand if somehow because of the heavy bones they don't fit in the chair. Two weeks ago a patient even told me that he doesn't eat much, he just tastes a little bit. As soon as he looks at food he gains weight. I don't remember because he was the first one to say this, but I remember him because he is the first one with whom I lost my patience. So much bullshit and so great is the desire of fat people to have no fault at all, that they are capable of finding any excuse. For a long time I probably looked for and used such excuses myself. However, the doctor's visit wasn't too pleasant for him, the patient, on that particular day, since my answer didn't take long to come: "Now, as fat person to fat person, don't tell me you don't eat anything? I've eaten way too much and so have you, you don't expect me to believe you gain weight by doing photosynthesis!".

Ah yes... the secret mystery of photosynthesis... this is the ultimate weapon of any fat person. Poor him, he is not to blame for eating like a pig without control, he just breathes and receives the sun's rays and the moment he receives water he turns everything into sugar. Ah yes... photosynthesis. Lately I have become less and less understanding with all those who are obese. It seems to me that they are destroying their own lives and hiding under diplomatic shields or living in denial. And everyone seems to have one trait in common: they are all victims. They are completely innocent, but even more than that, completely impotent. They have no way to help themselves and choose only to feel sorry for themselves. This repulsion towards victimizing ourselves, and maybe the fear of not victimizing myself, made me let this remark slip a few times while talking to Laura. While she was presenting me with a problem she couldn't solve, the moment she started looking for constructive solutions and started feeling sorry for herself, I taxed her pretty harshly, asking her straight to her face why she is a victim? Why does she stay in a victim stance where she can't do anything to help herself.

My wife, for whom this word came completely out of nowhere, and not understanding that the contempt actually comes from deep within me, from my own fear of turning into a helpless victim, completely disagreed with the way I talk. In reality the only message I want to convey is that enough is enough. Enough of being victims. We must not look for reasons not to do something, something that is most likely in our interest. Why did I fail for years and decades in a row to lose weight and now it's suddenly working? What changed now? Well... maybe I stopped being a victim. I think that's what changed. Today after working out for a whole month without seeing any results, suddenly I weigh 4 kg less. I labored without caring about immediate results, I chose to stop being a victim and stop complaining that I'm not dropping weight every day, and I chose that if one day I eat more I won't cry that everything is lost, but start over the next day.

What are you guys doing? How many of you are victims?